This may sound silly, but I just want to load my groceries by myself when I pull the car up to where the shopping cart is outside the grocery store. It is one of the things that makes me think of the MS, every time. I want to put the bags in the car because I can do it and there will probably come a time when I can not do it (It has happened a few times before). At the point when I can not load the groceries, that is when I will rely on the help of the grocery store employees. But only when I reach that point. Before I had kids, I used to walk back and forth from my car (sometimes 3 rows back) to the shopping cart to get my groceries. I probably looked silly doing it, but to me, it was one of those things I can do and wanted to do. I actually have a lot of things I can do, there is a very limited amount of things I can't do because of the MS, but for some reason, the grocery store is what gets to me and makes me think, "What if." Now that I have kids, I can't make those back and forth trips (my hands are usually tied carrying the 2 year old and holding the 4 year olds hand). So when I pull the car up, I just want to load the groceries in the back myself. I even said something to both of the employees and now one asks me if I need help. I know the other one is just doing her job and has probably forgotten my request to let me go it alone.
It brings me to a bigger complaint that many people I know with MS have shared with me - the do it yourself mentality. It is hard to admit that you need help and REALLY hard to ask someone to help you. "I can do it myself" is what you are thinking but your body isn't cooperating. It is very hard to swallow your pride and ask someone to help you, especially when that person has seen you "ok."
When I think back to one of the times I asked for help loading my groceries, I don't remember being embarrassed for needing some help loading the groceries. Where I should have asked for help and didn't was from my husband. I should have given him the list and had him pick-up the groceries on his way home from work instead of driving myself (my left side was working fine, just the right side was slow) and doing it myself. When I think back to that day, I want to smack myself for not asking for help from him. But it is a hard thing to do and the best advice I can give myself is to keep trying. If it crosses my mind that I might not be able to do it myself, I should ask for help.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Flare up vs symptom
I would hope after 10 years (almost) living with MS, I would know the difference between a flare up and a symptom. Right now, I am probably having a flare up BUT it is so minor, I am not going to my neurologist.
The top part of my hand is temperature sensitive. Back when I had my very first flare up, my leg was temperature sensitive. So much so that when my dress brushed up on it, I felt pain as if someone had just put a really hot iron on my leg. So my hand is pretty similar to this - though not as severe. And because I have gone through this feeling before (when it was worse) without any drugs (because they didn't know it was MS) and it eventually went away, I am waiting it out. And I think it is getting better.
Should I have just gone to the neurologist. I weighed the pros and cons and the cons won out. I thought of two reasons to go see the doctor. 1 - He MIGHT give me a steroid that would help make the sensitivity go away quickly and 2 - This flare-up MIGHT be a pre-cursor to a bigger flare-up and if he gave me any steroids, it might cut off the Big flare-up before it started. But I had about 10 reasons not to go. 1- When I had my flare ups when I was pregnant, they were MUCH worse and his advice was to wait & see if it got better because he'd rather not give me any medicine being pregnant 2- When I got Prednisone back in 2001 for a flare-up of my leg, it didn't really make it go away any faster than it did without drugs in 1997. 3 - Steroids make me wake up early and with the two girls, I'd like to sleep as much as possible. And if he gave me Ambien or something to help with the sleep problem, I wouldn't want to take it because then I might not hear them if they needed me. 4- Ok, minor reason. It is a pain to schlep the girls to the doctors office. 5 - If the feeling started to progress beyond just my hand, I could always see him within 24 hours.
Ok so I may have exaggerated the 10 reasons but it was enough to make me wait it out and I think I made the right call because it still feels different, but only slightly. Someone asked me how do you know what to do. And I think the answer is it depends on you. MS is such an individual thing. Another person with MS I was talking to said "It is your body and you know what makes sense." I agree now that I have been living with MS for 10 years and have gone through 5 flare-ups. But had this happened in January 1998, I probably would have gone to see the neurologist because I wouldn't have know what to do. I think one of the most frustrating things about MS is a lot of the answers are "It depends."
I think I have babbled enough already. As my younger daughter says - nigh-nigh.
Kristin
Disclaimer - Anything I write about is my personal story and should not be taken as advice for what to do yourself. MS is a very individual disease - what works for 1 person may not work for the next. I am not a doctor and if you have any medical concerns or needs, you should consult yours.
The top part of my hand is temperature sensitive. Back when I had my very first flare up, my leg was temperature sensitive. So much so that when my dress brushed up on it, I felt pain as if someone had just put a really hot iron on my leg. So my hand is pretty similar to this - though not as severe. And because I have gone through this feeling before (when it was worse) without any drugs (because they didn't know it was MS) and it eventually went away, I am waiting it out. And I think it is getting better.
Should I have just gone to the neurologist. I weighed the pros and cons and the cons won out. I thought of two reasons to go see the doctor. 1 - He MIGHT give me a steroid that would help make the sensitivity go away quickly and 2 - This flare-up MIGHT be a pre-cursor to a bigger flare-up and if he gave me any steroids, it might cut off the Big flare-up before it started. But I had about 10 reasons not to go. 1- When I had my flare ups when I was pregnant, they were MUCH worse and his advice was to wait & see if it got better because he'd rather not give me any medicine being pregnant 2- When I got Prednisone back in 2001 for a flare-up of my leg, it didn't really make it go away any faster than it did without drugs in 1997. 3 - Steroids make me wake up early and with the two girls, I'd like to sleep as much as possible. And if he gave me Ambien or something to help with the sleep problem, I wouldn't want to take it because then I might not hear them if they needed me. 4- Ok, minor reason. It is a pain to schlep the girls to the doctors office. 5 - If the feeling started to progress beyond just my hand, I could always see him within 24 hours.
Ok so I may have exaggerated the 10 reasons but it was enough to make me wait it out and I think I made the right call because it still feels different, but only slightly. Someone asked me how do you know what to do. And I think the answer is it depends on you. MS is such an individual thing. Another person with MS I was talking to said "It is your body and you know what makes sense." I agree now that I have been living with MS for 10 years and have gone through 5 flare-ups. But had this happened in January 1998, I probably would have gone to see the neurologist because I wouldn't have know what to do. I think one of the most frustrating things about MS is a lot of the answers are "It depends."
I think I have babbled enough already. As my younger daughter says - nigh-nigh.
Kristin
Disclaimer - Anything I write about is my personal story and should not be taken as advice for what to do yourself. MS is a very individual disease - what works for 1 person may not work for the next. I am not a doctor and if you have any medical concerns or needs, you should consult yours.
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