Thursday, March 15, 2007

Can I just load my groceries myself, please?

This may sound silly, but I just want to load my groceries by myself when I pull the car up to where the shopping cart is outside the grocery store. It is one of the things that makes me think of the MS, every time. I want to put the bags in the car because I can do it and there will probably come a time when I can not do it (It has happened a few times before). At the point when I can not load the groceries, that is when I will rely on the help of the grocery store employees. But only when I reach that point. Before I had kids, I used to walk back and forth from my car (sometimes 3 rows back) to the shopping cart to get my groceries. I probably looked silly doing it, but to me, it was one of those things I can do and wanted to do. I actually have a lot of things I can do, there is a very limited amount of things I can't do because of the MS, but for some reason, the grocery store is what gets to me and makes me think, "What if." Now that I have kids, I can't make those back and forth trips (my hands are usually tied carrying the 2 year old and holding the 4 year olds hand). So when I pull the car up, I just want to load the groceries in the back myself. I even said something to both of the employees and now one asks me if I need help. I know the other one is just doing her job and has probably forgotten my request to let me go it alone.

It brings me to a bigger complaint that many people I know with MS have shared with me - the do it yourself mentality. It is hard to admit that you need help and REALLY hard to ask someone to help you. "I can do it myself" is what you are thinking but your body isn't cooperating. It is very hard to swallow your pride and ask someone to help you, especially when that person has seen you "ok."
When I think back to one of the times I asked for help loading my groceries, I don't remember being embarrassed for needing some help loading the groceries. Where I should have asked for help and didn't was from my husband. I should have given him the list and had him pick-up the groceries on his way home from work instead of driving myself (my left side was working fine, just the right side was slow) and doing it myself. When I think back to that day, I want to smack myself for not asking for help from him. But it is a hard thing to do and the best advice I can give myself is to keep trying. If it crosses my mind that I might not be able to do it myself, I should ask for help.