Dear Right Hand

Dear Right Hand,

I miss you. I know it has been only 2 weeks and I just started the steroids 3 days ago, but could you start to get better, not worse. I miss being able to zip my fly the first time and not the 7th. I miss holding a pen without it falling out of my hand as I write. And for that matter, I miss my handwriting. (I hope the bank cashes all the checks I have signed recently.) I miss being able to shave my legs, paint my nails, fasten my bra, drive. It has been 13.5 years since I was diagnosed and every other time, I have bounced back to where I was before. I just hope I will bounce back again this time. I have read that after 10 years, 50% of those with RRMS go to secondary progressive. I am trying to stay positive and hope that this is not my new norm. If it is, I need to do what I tell my kids, you get what you get and you don't make a fuss.

I just wanted to vent. I know I really don't have a right to vent because 97% of the time, I don't look or feel (except for those shots in the refrigerator) like I have MS. I do try to do my part to raise money and awareness since I have been blessed to have a mild form of the MS thus far. That should count for something, right? In the past after this much steroids, I have seen progress though, so now I am beginning to get worried that this may be the new me for good. I hope not because I really miss my hand.

Sincerely,

Kristin

PS - I would love to feel my foot too and for that matter, my whole right side. Thanks.